Matters of the Heart

Valentine by Katie...

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
~ Proverbs 4:23

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This Nightmare

Some days I just feel sorry for myself.... I wrote this song on one of Those Days...

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This Nightmare

Sometimes my grief and suffering will still push me over the edge

And I will do something bizarre like cry and plead and beg

But I suppose that God is used to harassment

On days when I can not utter a sentence that is complete

The only comfort I can find are the dreams that come with sleep

But I suppose that angels offer serenity

Take me from this nightmare

Is my constant agonizing prayer

Lift my broken spirit

If You really do care like You say You do

Like You say You do

This work in progress is weak and full of misunderstandings

I have so much to offer, like peace and new beginnings

But I suppose this world will not stop turning

Today I got up from my bed, ready to finally face a day

The sunlight blinded my eyes and I retreated once again

But I suppose there always is tomorrow

Take me from this nightmare

Is my constant agonizing prayer

Lift my broken spirit

If You really do care like You say You do

Like You say You do

Take me from this nightmare

Take me from this nightmare

Yeah

written during a deep depression, obviously

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Memories...

Artist Katie with her masterpieces proudly displayed in the hospital room...

The past couple of weeks have been hard on my in-law family. Our grand-niece Sophie, a beautiful 3-year-old with cystic fibrosis, has been in the hospital. She has been gravely ill and there were times when we just didn't know how things were going to turn out.

Her mom, dad, baby brother, grandparents, aunt, and all of the extended family have been praying for her continuously. Finally... today she came home from the hospital! Praise God!

Times like these bring back so many memories for me. Thoughts of Katie come to me and the experience we shared seems like yesterday, not almost 12 years ago. The onslaught of pain to my heart overwhelms me as I recall the days and nights of long hospital visits. The IVs, the shots, the bandage changes, not to mention the chemo.

As I type this, I feel split in two somehow. One part of me is so sad and longing, weeping, wishing, wondering what life would be like if I could just hold Katie one more time... On the other hand, I am grateful that the Lord gave us seven years with an angel. I feel blessed for those midnight rides down the interstate, rushing to get to UNC. Me and Kate-Kate against the world...

Most of all, I am thankful for the children that are still here on earth with me. I have a lovely teenage daughter who is sweet and has a generous heart. I have my grand-niece and grand-nephew; I will watch them grow up... And I will smile and be glad.

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